Gifts From the 90s – Mindset and Behaviors Around Food and Body I’ve Spent My Life Unpacking
I hear we’re reminiscing about the 90s. All over social media are really fun reels with people saying the question “What did you look like in the 90s?” If one comes across my feed, I watch it. I’m filled with nostalgia to the point that it almost makes me too sad. I yearn for the simpler time of land line phones, appointment only viewing television, driving around for no real reason and gas under $1.00.
My body also remembers the 90s. I was 6-16 years old during that decade and in that time frame I became consumed with being skinny and was always on a diet. I grew up in a Weight Watchers home. I have endless memories of the booklets you used to look up your points and then write them down on the little notepad. The most memorable WW diet was the fiber focused one. The only real goal was to meet 25 grams of fiber which I did by eating bowls and bowls of Crunchy Corn Bran cereal with skim milk and Equal packets sprinkled on top.
I vividly remember being in kindergarten and thinking I was chunky and everyone else in my class was skinny. IN KINDERGARTEN.
The 90s were a special decade in a lot of ways but they gave me one specific souvenir and that was a lifetime of disordered eating.
By the time I was 14 I was exercising for hours after school and eating just enough to survive (with the exception of the times I passed out at work or band practice). I certainly had achieved my goal of being skinny as I remember fitting into a size 4 skirt.
As I was thinking about the 90s I put together 5 mindset and behaviors I learned growing up in that decade. Most of these have stuck with me until I really started unpacking them in my late 30's. How many of these resonate with you??
1 - An obsession with my body and being skinny
The identity I craved was to be skinny and honestly, it’s no surprise given the media of the 90’s. Take one stroll down memory lane and you’ll find waif thin celebrities, “normal” weight celebrities being called fat and weight loss pills being advertised everywhere you looked. For as long as I can remember, I connected being skinny with worthiness. If I could just be skinny, I’d be happy. If I could just be skinny, I’d be successful. If I could just be skinny, people will like me. The crazy part was, I was skinny. Not waif skinny, but a pretty healthy skinny. In my head, I was fat because I believed I would never achieve the goal. In my 30’s I started to connect with the identity of being an athlete and although I loved getting stronger, I was still obsessed with not “being big.” When my knee decided to step out of the game I needed surgery, I discovered I had gained over 25 pounds. This weight gain was the ultimate blessing because I was able to unwind this belief I held for most of my life and write a new story for myself. I am currently focused on becoming really strong, growing some big muscles and creating a body that will last me a lifetime.
2 - Calorie Restriction Was the Only Way
I had extremely disordered eating and almost a full blown eating disorder in my early teens. There were other reasons besides wanting to be skinny but most of it was that I learned if I ate less, I lost weight. I survived on plain bagels with cream cheese and rice krispie treats. And a lot of diet pop. This lasted well into my 30’s although I became so active that I did need to eat more. However, I was still controlling my body size by overexercising which is also a form of calorie restriction. I have finally learned how to manage my calories in a way that is sustainable, keeps my weight in a healthy range and gives me satisfaction and life.
3 - Using Exercise as Punishment
If I ate too much, more exercise. If I ate something I wasn’t “supposed to,” more exercise. If I was having a bad body image day, more exercise. And I’m talking hours of exercise, not just a few extra minutes. I used exercise to punish myself almost daily. The tricky part of this is that I actually love moving my body. I have enjoyed weight lifting since I was 14, I loved running (when my knees did it) and I will always move my body. However, I am now able to unwind the tie between exercise and punishment. I put eating in it’s own category and movement/exercise in a separate one. I move my body because it feels good, builds stronger muscles and joints and I eat to nourish my body. I also eat because I LOVE food. But for most of my life, exercise was used to “undo” my eating which is not how it actually works.
4 - Believing Everyone Was Judging My Body
Because of the intense focus on my body I started to believe that everyone around me was judging me. While this could have been true, it really led to start judging others. I've worked really hard to stop myself when I have judgmental thoughts and work to figure out where they are coming from.
5 - An Entire World Built Around My Body
My mental space was always full of thoughts about my body. I can look at pictures and remember exactly how I felt about my body at that moment. It was almost always critical and not kind. It has taken decades to create space between my mind and my body. To allow there to be empty white noise where I wasn’t obsessed with how it looked in pictures or appeared in the mirror. Gaining weight actually allowed me to be grateful for my body without all of the pressure.
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If you're ready to ditch the all or nothing mentality, become honest with yourself and make real changes to your mindset and behavior around food and exercise, join us for the Fat Loss Collective.
This 12 week group coaching experience will be centered around 5 pillars:
- Education - you will learn the foundation of food (macros, micros and HOW to track food)
- Behavior - you will bring honesty to your behaviors around food and exercise so you can figure out how this fits into your lifestyle and preferences
- Mindset - you will be faced with your own personal challenges and roadblocks but will be in a supporting environment to get through them
- Fat Loss - you will have the option to be on a fat loss journey and I will guide you through the steps along the way
- Fun - this process will be infused with lightheartedness and fun.
I also believe it's important to do this work together in a group. We can learn so much from other people and their experiences.
Find out more information about The Fat Loss Collective HERE.
