Where (almost) every Tuesday – I confess.
Confession: I have gotten BIGGER.
I was looking through old photos the last few days and I was struck by how much bigger I am now than I was 10+ years ago.
Initially I had this wave of thoughts and emotions run through my body that said “wow – I would love to be that small again.” Or the thought “How did you get so much bigger? What happened?” But surprisingly the thoughts were fleeting because I actually love that I am bigger now.
I am physically bigger. My arms are bigger. My shoulders are more broad. My legs are bigger and I simply have more body fat than I did. (I’m sure many of you are thinking – yeah Lindsey that comes with age – duh). And it does. I will admit that what you all told me when I was young that it would be harder to lose weight once I turned 30 – it was all true. And it is harder.
But I no longer WANT or FOCUS on trying to be SMALLER.
Quick side story. I was working out at the gym the other day and I heard 3 girls talking about wanting to lose weight and asking how to make their thighs smaller. I was shocked because all 3 of these girls I know and they are STRONG, FAST, FIT, and amazing people. My next thought was “Why are you trying to be SMALLER?” “How does your life improve if you have smaller thighs?”
The other extremely striking thing I noticed when I was looking at old pictures is I was immediately transported back to the emotional side of the photos. Although I was much smaller physically I was also so small emotionally. And what I mean by that is I spent a TON of time obsessing over food (what to eat, how much to eat, how to lose 2 lbs, when I could have a “treat” and deciding whether I had been “good” or “bad” with food that day.)
Throughout much of my 20’s I felt insecure about a lot of things and it all started with my body and I thought if I could make my body smaller I would be happier, my life would be better and as it turns out – that was not true.
I want to share with you some of the ways my life has changed since I got a BIGGER body and a BIGGER life.
- I’ve completed over 50 Tough Mudders and 2 Worlds Toughest Mudders ( can’t do those with a smaller body)
- I quit my safe, full time job and became a business owner
- I have jumped off several buildings
- I have traveled
- I have learned to be still and quiet
- I have developed a natural state of gratitude
- I have become more brave
- I have been able to admit when I’m wrong (still working on this)
- I know what I want out of my life
- I started ninja training
- I am open to constantly learning
- I am way more fit
- I started a podcast
- I can lift much heavier and bigger weights
- SO MUCH MORE
When I was smaller I was much more afraid of change, closed off to learning new things, worried constantly about the future, ungrateful, often crabby, very self focused, constantly critiquing my body and worrying about what it looked like and always thinking about food.
Many days go by now (instead of minutes or hours) and I don’t think about what I look like in my clothes or what I ate that day but I think about my next work out or the next project in my business. And I’m proud to have a bigger body – it represents so much of my life.
Am I perfect? HECK NO. I have so much to learn about myself, how I operate in the world, what I think, and how I act. But I don’t want to be small anymore or focus on shrinking my body. *I also want to change my body fat on my bigger body but I don’t want to LOSE weight or focus on the scale.*
When I compare photos from 10+ years ago until now I not only see a bigger body but I see a more confident and living life BIGGER person.
I want to challenge you to live a BIGGER life.
Let me know – how are you living BIGGER? EMAIL ME and share your stories of being BIGGER.