5 Things I Learned From Gaining Weight
I hadn’t been on a scale in years and then I went to the Dr for a pre surgery physical. There it was, a number I had never seen on the scale before. Color me shocked.
Years later I can say that gaining 20 lbs was the best thing to happen to my body image and relationship with food.
Before we get into the 5 reasons why this was such a good thing, let’s talk about how the 20 lbs happened. I should not have been shocked but there was still a part of me that couldn’t believe it. Even though my clothes were tighter, my body was moving differently and I knew something wasn’t the same.
This may not surprise you but I’m pretty sure I gained 20 lbs in 2021 (maybe parts of 2020). During the pandemic I relaxed my strict food rules and allowed myself to eat more, eat different foods and really relax. I was still training and exercising a lot but my mindset was not so restrictive.
2021 was a hard year because parts of the world were opened back up but I was still working full time from home. Gyms were open but not all of them and so my work out routine was a hybrid between the gym and home. My knee started to really bother me, I fell off a bouldering wall and super sprained my ankle and my physical body started to deteriorate.
I blinked and it was 2022. I was going into surgery for my knee because no one could figure out why I was having so much pain. It was affecting every part of my life. But there I was at my pre-surgery physical. Looking at a number on the scale I’d never seen before.
It’s been almost 4 years since that first surgery and I can finally say that gaining the 20 (close to 25) and having 3 knee surgeries has been one of the best things to happen to me.
First knee surgery 2022
5 lessons I learned from gaining weight
I asked myself this question
1 - I asked myself the question “If I never lose the 20 lbs, could I be ok with myself?” The thing was, I already gained weight. It wasn’t theoretical. And at the time I was the high number on the scale I wasn’t prepared to do anything about it. I knew what it would take. This has been my career for 20 years, I fully understood what I would need to do. I didn’t want to do it. It was at that point that I finally became ok with myself outside of what the scale said. For my entire life I had been hedging my self worth on the scale and whether I was skinny enough. By 38 years old I had enough.
I bought bigger clothes
I learned the valuable lesson that nobody knows what size your clothes are except you. When I bought a size bigger in underwear, bras, jeans, leggings, shorts, etc I felt more comfortable and probably looked better than when I tried to squeeze into the smaller versions. I felt confident again in this new body because my clothes weren’t trying to take me out by squeezing everything. I got rid of a lot of my leggings, tank tops and athletic wear (that I truly loved!!!) because I felt bad about myself when I looked at them in the drawer. I didn’t want to feel bad anymore so I let them go. I do miss some of those leggings but the truth is, even if I lost more weight, they wouldn’t fit the same because my body is different.
I finally became honest with myself
I faced the truth that I love to eat, I love food and I also have a genetic disposition towards addiction and obesity. My genetics lean towards lifestyle related diseases and I knew if I didn’t stop the weight gain it could spiral out of control. Knowing that I love food, especially sugar, was key for me. I stopped denying it. I had been restricting myself for my entire life and then bingeing on foods I loved. It was an exhausting cycle. I didn’t want to do it this way anymore and I knew I could figure out a better relationship with food and myself.
I changed almost everything about how I moved my body
This was the hardest one. I had used intense and challenging work outs to support my mental health. I could put everything I was feeling into a sweaty, exhausting work out. And it felt amazing. Well, when my knee decided we were done with that, I had no choice. I tried to keep running but it never felt good and kept hurting my knee. I loved nothing more than a good squat and lunge work out but couldn’t do those anymore. I wanted to drive my heart rate up and put my whole self into my work out. My body said “we are not doing that anymore.” Now?? I get my cardio from interval walking and hiking classes on the treadmill. And my strength training is focused on lifting heavy weights and not doing squats/lunges. In a strange way, I have grown to love it but it’s been hard to adapt. There are days I want to step out the door and go for a 10 mile run.
I have respect for my body and am focusing on longevity
Until this weight gain and my knees threw a temper tantrum, I was focused on being skinny and performing athletically. How fast can I run? How many laps of the obstacle race can I complete? And while that served me for two decades and gave me so much of my life, my friends and experience I wouldn’t trade, my body wanted something different. I also witnessed my Dad lose his body to a massive stroke and eventually pass away. He had not worked on building a strong body over his lifetime and it ended his life. I found a deep seeded desire to respect my body instead of beating it up and to build a body for the long term. I want my body to carry me for decades to come. That is now my main goal.
Do I love my body right now? Yes and no. Do I have respect for it? Yes. Do I still desire to change how it looks and moves? Also yes. These things can co-exist.
This is going to be a life long journey for me and I’m here for it.
Gaining 20 lbs was the catalyst for a better relationship with my body, food and my goals for the future.
If this resonates, please join me.
"Eating for Longevity, Satisfaction and Fat Loss" Virtual Class
Monday March 9th - “Eating for Longevity, Satisfaction and Fat Loss” a virtual class where we will go deeper into these topics and give you actionable steps to start your own journey to food freedom. March 9th - 6:30pm
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