True Confession Tuesday:
Where (almost) every Tuesday – I confess.
Confession: I want to share some incredible thought provoking writing from my friend Allison with you.
You have met Allison before when I interviewed her on Episode 43 of the podcast – LISTEN HERE
She is an intuitive eating coach. I urge you to listen to our episode if you’re curious what that means and to learn more about how she works with clients.
The other day she wrote an article that was full of thought provoking nuggets that made me think about my own body and food. I wanted to share them with you.
I know I am not alone when I say I have struggled, am struggling and likely will continue to struggle with making peace with my body and my relationship to food.
I have written before about being obsessed with exercise and food and how my focus has changed to WHAT my body can do and how food can FUEL me and make me good and perform well.
I can remember so many direct instances where I focused on what my body looked like instead of enjoying the moment I was in.
It’s also no secret that I (we) worry about what the other people in our lives think about our bodies (why do we do this?) Or we think that how our bodies look will change the relationship. Or we make up stories about how people will feel about us only in relation to our body.
Allison wrote a piece on dating and disordered eating. It’s important to read even if you’re in a committed relationship.
“The person you choose to be with (and chooses to be with you), is going to see you for who you really are sooner or later. There is no point in dieting, trying to lose weight (manipulating your body) while dating. I can’t tell you how many times in the beginning of relationships I would eat less. What the FUDGE is up with that? I mean nervousness aside, what the fudge am I trying to prove? Am I trying to be a dainty, petite lady who doesn’t eat more than her partner? Um, no. Sooner or later you’re going to have to see my body at its natural size and see me eat how I like to eat (and be warned, that usually means breakfast for all meals).”
Ask yourself –
- “Why am I trying to manipulate my body to look a certain way FOR ANOTHER PERSON?”
- “What am I hiding deep down if I’m hiding how I normally eat and how I act?”
- “Why can’t I be myself?”
This next clip from her article is so very important.
Be with a person who makes you forget about your body. I’m not naive, attraction is real, especially with the online dating world but ultimately when you first start getting to know someone, focus on what the conversation is around. Is it around your attraction for each other? (No joke I had a guy compliment my butt, tell me how “amazing” it is and I stopped him and told him to tell me what he likes about me non-physically…”You’re really cool” was the first phrase he stuttered out. Poetic). Does he/she/they ask you about your career, your hobbies, what interest you in general? If the relationship is solely based off of attraction, well that’ll die out faster than my recipe blogging career. Partnership, communication, trust, honesty, vulnerability, sharing similar values, etc. is what the relationship should be based off of.
- “What do I love about my partner?”
- “What are the incredible values and talents they bring to the world?”
- “Have I told them lately how much those things mean to me?”
- “WHAT DO I LOVE ABOUT MYSELF???” That has nothing to do with my body?
And ultimately – ask yourself why do YOU judge yourself based off of your body?? You are so much more than your body. The people in your life love you because of WHO you are far more than what you look like.
Here’s another thing to consider – it is okay to want to change your body, to change your eating habits, to lose weight, to gain muscle, to change your appearance. But it needs to be for the right reasons and not FOR someone else or because you think changing your body is more important than the value you bring to the world. Or that thinking changing your body will make someone like you more.
Allison has much more to read in the full article – which you can find HERE.
I am going to write more on this topic in the future but I want to leave you with one more thing.
It’s easy to use our bodies as the reasons why we aren’t ENOUGH.
I let my body image limit me in my career as a personal trainer for a long time – I told myself that everyone else just LOOKED more like a trainer. I made up a lot of stories about myself and why clients wouldn’t hire me.
I wrote an article last year for Precision Nutrition titled “Maybe I’m just not fit enough to be a personal trainer?”
It shares my story and 6 ways to overcome this common anxiety of “AM I ENOUGH?”
I know our bodies are loaded topics and our feelings of not being ENOUGH can control our actions but I would be honored if you could share some of your experiences with me.
Send me an EMAIL and let me know if these articles resonated with you.
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