Confessions from a Personal Trainer: I wore the same denim jumper as my teacher for 5th grade photo day

Where every Tuesday: I confess.

Confession:

I wore the exact same denim jumper as my teacher for my 5th grade photo day.

Truth – maybe it was 6th grade? Either way, I was mortified.

As if it wasn’t bad enough – I was unhappy with my body, not athletic or sporty, couldn’t wear clothes in the “junior” section, ended up shopping in the women’s petite section, but then I showed up that day in the exact same outfit.

Imagine this – a red plaid type skirt with a denim overall type top and then a white t-shirt underneath.

I remember only one moment. The moment she walked in the room and I felt as though a spotlight was on me, my face turned so red and I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me (and change my body and my outfit while I was down there).

Shopping for clothes was so hard. I went to a Catholic elementary school so luckily I had to wear a uniform most days. I didn’t think I was lucky at the time because I had the most terrible plaid skirt that fit me so awkwardly. But I can’t imagine having to pick out normal clothes every day so thank goodness for uniforms. When I went shopping I would try so hard to fit into something “cool” and just like what I saw my friends wearing. Like I said earlier, I ended up in the women’s petite section. Not exactly the place a 5th grader wanted to be.

There are moments in all of our lives that shape who we are and when they are painful moments, you have to deal with them. Around the same time as the dress moment, I had my dad build me a step (like an aerobic step) because step aerobics was the hot thing. I got a Kathy Smith step aerobics DVD and I did that thing over and over and over and over and over in the living room. I had an ab rocker so I could get ab muscles. And I put myself on a diet.

I decided that I wanted something different for myself. I wanted to be skinny, I wanted to be cool, and all the cool kids participated in sports and were active.

And I was going to do everything I could to get there.

Just like when I couldn’t run the 5k and my teachers passed me, I made up my mind that I could do something about it.

This story is longer than today’s confession and only now (at almost 32 yrs old) do I have a healthy handle on relationship, food, and my own body image. There’s a whole lot of mess in between 5th grade and now.

I also tell you this story because I am so excited to start my big project of 2016. When I decided to be healthy, there was no internet (ha!) and no real resources for me. So I cut my calories and tried to work out like crazy. In this day and age of social media – Instagram, You Tube and so much more – I am creating a resource for girls FULL of information on healthy food choices, how to exercise, positive body image quotes and videos, and more.

I’m also going to be creating an advisory board of 12-15 year old girls to help me create this into the most beneficial and life changing resource I can. If you have a girl that age who might be interested in getting in on this project – EMAIL ME.

I’m starting with an Instagram account – it’s not created yet, but be on the look out in the next two weeks). I will need your help to spread the word to any girls you know who could benefit.

I see retreats, work shops, weight lifting classes, nutrition seminars, and SO MUCH MORE to come in 2016.

My goal – for girls to be proud of themselves and their bodies and to make educated decisions.

And if you have painful memories from your childhood – deal with them if you haven’t. Get some help. You deserve it.